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A letter I wrote to myself while getting my last chemo infusion

November 6, 2018

Dear past Kat,

I’m writing this while I’m getting a second infusion of chemo. Yupp, you’re getting chemo again (can you believe it’s been 5 years since the first time) but don’t worry, it’ll only be two sessions which means this is the last one.

This Lupus flare you’re about to experience is going to the worst. You’ll feel deathly sick, you’ll be running to the bathroom every 5 min making your asshole sore as fuck, you won’t be able to walk far or even bend your knees, you’ll lose your appetite, you’ll have a hard time breathing, a hard time sleeping, and you’ll be stuck at home alone for days at at time.

Your pain will demand your attention, and your isolation will allow you to focus on survival. I won’t give everything away but I must tell you this: it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Actually it’s going to pretty bad and you will get scared— but I promise it’ll get better. You’ll find ways to transform your pain and I won’t say into  what or how bc that’s part of the challenge.

Remember, you gotta get better bc you gotta move your ass to Seattle so you, Andy and Bronn can finally start a new adventure.

Hang in there.


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